My call night yesterday was so strange.  So many of the patients on the floor were acting very strangely.  Most notably, I was admitting a 65+ year old lady with a history of paranoid schizophrenia who was brought to the hospital for mental status changes.  My senior resident and I went to the patient's room to try and get a more detailed history from her and then do a physical exam.  We were greeted by an elderly black female with eyes bugging out and a "glazed-over" look on her face....she just kept rocking back and forth in the bed, starring at us, or through us I should say.  Her speech was all garbled, which made it very difficult to understand anything she was saying. 
 
While I was talking to her, she surprisingly smiled at me and said, "Yahwanavuhmi?" 
 
I said, "Excuse me?  Could you repeat that?  I didn't understand you..."
 
"YOU WANNA F*** ME?" 
 
I paused for about 3 seconds, trying to fully grasp what this psychotic grandma just said to me.  Meanwhile, my senior resident (she) was about to roll on the floor laughing.
 
Advance 5 minutes later
 
I was trying to lean towards the patient to place my stethoscope on the chest to listen to her heart when all of a sudden she reached out and almost got me in a headlock, all the while saying, "Gimme some kissy kissy!  I want some kissy kissy." 
 
It's strange, the happenings in the hospital, after the sun goes down...